Footprints on Water
We have all heard the expression, "everything you need is already inside you." If this were truly the case, why do we want so much? More specifically, why are we told we 'need' so much. I am blessed with a job which allows me Summers off. I am doubly blessed that we are able to afford it so that I do not have to work during my free summers. I absolutely love it. It is a gift that is not lost on me. (I still pray for snow days in Winter though!! Who doesn't love a snow day?!) As frustrating as those seven months can get, I always say to myself 'Summer is coming'. I don't know of many other careers where a person gets about 10 weeks off during the best weather of the year to do....nothing. It is an amazing opportunity which I use to decompress. I focus on my fitness, my writing, and my house. That's where the trouble starts!
Seven months out of the year, I am not what you would call 'house focused'. Every winter break I do a pretty decent clean out of the basement and in general we have really pared the house back as I try to attempt to work toward minimalism and organization. During those seven months though, I am not spending any time on YouTube - but this is a mindless sinful summer pleasure that I drink in like a sangria through a straw. And something happens.... all of a sudden I begin to feel it.... want.... NEED!! It's right there in the titles... 'Ten Things You Need to Turn Your Bedroom into a Sanctuary Today!' 'Summer Décor You Need for 2023' 'Top 10 Summer Outfits You Need to Stay Fashionable!' 'Amazon 2023 Favs You Can't Live Without!' It is subtle, but effective.
If everything I need is already inside me, then where is my adorable farmhouse style mushroom shaped lamp which is also a wax melt warmer?!
Where are the top 10 summer dresses I am supposed to own? And more importantly, what are my Amazon favorites supposed to be?! Ya know what I miss? Catalogs...
Every winter as a kid, the Sears Wish Book Christmas catalogue would arrive in the mail. It was as big as the phone book and only slightly smaller than the family Bible. It was full of magic, of possibility. My brother and I each got a turn with the catalog. We would sprawl out, belly first on the family room floor, him with a blue pen and me with a red one - the book of magic & a bowl of potato chips between us. We would open to find the table of contents and search for the Toy section of the good book. I swear stars and glitter would shoot from the binding when we opened to our section. Toys. Let the circling begin! We would look and wish and circle everything we wanted with reckless abandon. Toys we had never heard of, never seen before and had never even imagined. Now, we knew getting everything we wanted for Christmas was a longshot, so you'd go easy... can't be too greedy. The circling had to come close to the level of "good" we had displayed that year. It was such an amazing and exciting feeling to want things you didn't even know existed. Just to see the stuff was enough, we knew we would not get near what we circled and that was okay. It was the experience that was fun. It was free just to look.
Nothing is 'free' anymore. Nothing. Simply browsing on Amazon or watching mindless product review videos on YouTube places an electronic marker on your existence. Hell, even just uttering "I wonder if we need a new hose." out loud in your home sets off an electrical cascade of algorithms and consumer analysis, which makes me think of my British murder mystery shows. The ones where there's the 'big board' with strings pinned from photos of person to person, and place to place to the murder weapon & victim's crime scene photo. Before you know it, you are bombarded with advertisements for every hose on the market. God help you if you click just one of those ads or view a hose review (it's an honest mistake, we really do need a new hose)….because now you've not only set off a different algorithm from which you will forever be sent hose ads, but you've put someone, somewhere on the board - and they make money from that simple click.
We are living in a world of influencers and promo codes. Everything and everyone is for sale. Long gone are the not so distant days of it being free just to look, to pass the time with a J-Crew or JC Penney catalogue.
When we said 'Goodbye' to paper, we sold a little bit of our souls.
Even reading a book has become complicated. I enjoy my Kindle very much - but to read a book, you have to search Amazon for it. Enter a barrage of ads for 'mysteries you might also like'. Then when you find a book, enter the upgrade option to remove ads from your device. The electronic trail we leave by simply exploring our interests opens us up to being 'seen'. I admit, I struggle with this. This blog, for example. I write because I love to. I write because I always have. I am not a master by any means. I do not have a novel inside me yearning to get out. I write because I enjoy it. I hope it is enjoyable to others. I hope every once in a while I hit on a shared experience and can connect with people. I would love for my writing to reach more people, but as I explore how to do that, I am learning that comes with opening my simple blog to SEOs and meta language and inserting ads, etc. That scares me a bit. Mostly because I am still learning what it all means, but more so because it's just writing. It is not meant to be a catalyst for anything other than thought.
As I spend the gift of my free summers and I find myself in the innocent routine of mindlessly scrolling and clicking, I find I am now pausing more before the click. That does cause a little feeling of 'but I want to just look at that item' anxiety. However, I have found that ad will appear and reappear and reappear until I either give in to the craving for the drug or I tell the platform to remove the ad and I mentally walk away - which can feel pretty great. I am encouraging myself to realize, in just the tiniest parts of my mind, that everything is for sale, including my interests.
The dystopian streets of Blade Runner, with neon virtual ads at every visual level of height is the physical manifestation of the electronic footprints we leave when we click.
I do not know how to stop it, but as I begin to realize it I ask myself...
Do I know what my needs are or am I being told what I need?
Look around, what in my home & life brings me the most joy?
Who or what is it all for, the enjoyment of the present or the pictures for the unknown?
It is extremely important not to overload your vessel when you launch it upon the water. Too many items, too many people, too much weight will set it low in the water and bog it down. The journey is a long one, take only what you need - really need. What you know you need. The tried and true and trustworthy equipment that has seen you through every voyage thus far. Enjoy the quiet ripple of the morning water as it laps against the side of the bow and the smell of the clean air from the many trees along the shore.
These are the free things. There are no footprints left on the water.
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